Dear Birth Parents - FAQs

					The Law Offices of Karen R. Lane A Professional Corporation
					DEAR BIRTH PARENTS About Your Decision Frequently Asked Questions Frequently Asked Questions What can I know about the adoptive parents? Can you help me with my bills? Does the birth father have to be involved? Can I choose a family that lives in another state? Can I relocate for the birth? Can I get counseling? What if I change my mind? Who will explain the legal process to me? What can I know about the adoptive parents? You can know as much as you’d like to know, and in some states, there is personal information about the adopting parents that you are legally required to know. You may ask to see a copy of their home study which assesses their suitability as prospective parents. You may ask to meet them. On the other hand, if you do not want that much involvement or openness, you should not feel obligated or pressured by others who feel that a very open adoption is best. What is best for you? Once you answer that, you should find adopting parents who share your philosophy, so you make an adoption plan that is satisfying life-long. back to top Can you help me with my bills? All states have laws which dictate what expenses can be paid on your behalf. In every state, the adopting parents can assist you by paying your medical bills and legal fees. Most states allow for reasonable help with living expenses which usually means your rent, utilities, food and maternity clothing. It is very important to find out what expenses are legally allowed and if there are limits on how much and how long you can be supported before accepting such assistance, so you don’t inadvertently violate a state’s laws. back to top Does the birth father have to be involved? Many birth fathers are involved because they are boyfriends and even husbands. It is encouraged because this is the best time to obtain family biographic and medical information for the baby. However, the level of cooperation differs in every case. One birth father may be comfortable signing a waiver of rights, a denial of paternity, or a consent to the adoption; another might be willing to be served with notice of the impending placement but not want to sign anything. Court action will dispense with paternal rights in all of these cases. Some states have registries which require the birth father to take action or lose rights. If your husband is the father, he has the same rights you do - the adoption will not proceed without his cooperation and consent. Some birth fathers give you mixed signals, so you don’t have to give up your plan for adoption just because the father sounds uncooperative. It is imperative to discuss the situation with your legal counsel who can better evaluate and advise how to proceed. While you might not want to disclose who the birth father is because you don’t want him involved, this leaves the adoption at risk, and many prospective adoptive families may not choose to get involved for that reason. back to top Can I choose a family that lives in another state? There are no geographic barriers to locating the perfect family to adopt your child. Most adoptions now-a-days are interstate placements. If you deliver in another state, the adopting parents will arrive at or around the birth, and in most situations, the baby is placed directly into their care upon hospital discharge. This avoids foster care which is usually repugnant to birth parents. You may choose to relocate to the state where the adopting parents live to spend time and get to know them better before the birth and placement. You determine how much communication you wish to have with the adopting parents. Finally, be assured top notch attorneys and social workers will be enlisted to assure the legalities of both states. back to top I’d like to relocate to give birth because I live in a small town. Who helps me? There are many reasons birth parents choose to relocate temporarily. They may be getting pressure from family members not to place the baby for adoption or live in a state that requires foster care for a period of weeks or want to spend quality time with the adopting parents before birth. We will help you by arranging transportation, housing and medical care if you relocate to California or work with professionals to help you relocate to another state. In California, we have the finest medical doctors and hospitals, and you can opt to move into a small maternity home with supervised care and other young women for company or to move into a beautiful apartment in a security building with tennis courts, swimming pools and a recreation room within walking distance of two shopping malls and a block from one of the OB-GYNs with whom we have a professional relationship. back to top Can I get counseling to help me with my decision? Yes, of course. This is an adoption-related expense which can be paid for by the adopting parents. It is reasonable and customary for some counseling before and surrounding the birth. In agency placements, social workers provide some counseling and guidance. But you might want to have counseling, separate and apart, with a psychotherapist or psychologist or clergy. We also want to assure you that, while you may not have the need for customary counseling , that, even if you have an emotional dip months after the placement, the adopting parents would be prepared to pay for counseling to help you work through your feelings and issues. Everyone is unique in how they deal with their feelings. Of course, creating a supportive environment of medical and legal professionals on one hand and your family, friends and the adopting parents on the other, goes a long way toward maintaining your emotional stability through this process. back to top What happens to me if I change my mind about the adoption? We understand how difficult it can be to stand by a rational, well-thought out decision when your emotions get the better of you - especially upon the birth of the baby. I am in awe every time the placement occurs because it takes so much strength and determination and recognition that the baby’s welfare is paramount. Sometimes, a birth parent just can’t muster up that strength and without much forethought, decides to parent the baby herself. If you find yourself having second thoughts, it would be best to advise your representatives; it does not mean the adopting parents will not understand and wait for your ultimate decision. Should you not place your baby, you are not required to return any of the expenses received for your medical or legal bills or living expenses. You would not, of course, continue to receive any further assistance and will have to assume any ongoing medical bills. The birth father may have consented to the adoption, but if the adoption doesn’t go forward, he has every right to pursue visitation and/or custody, and his consent does not assure you that he will help you with support. back to top Who will advise me about the legal process? Every state has its own legal process which determines who is the appropriate person to advise you of your legal rights and to assist you in signing legal documents that, in one way or another, give your consent to the adoption and ultimately, terminate your parental rights. California, for example, has determined that a social worker licensed by the state as an adoption service provider or a social worker working for a private adoption agency has the responsibility to counsel you about your rights and witness your signing the appropriate legal documents. You may, if you wish, retain your own attorney, and the adopting parents will pay reasonable fees. Regardless that fees are paid by someone else, your attorney is your advocate. Some states require you to have independent counsel. It is strongly recommended that, even if states allow it, you do not allow the same attorney to represent both you and the adopting parents. back to top For further information, I encourage you to call me toll free at 1.800.242.8770 or e-mail me by clicking here. I look forward to chatting with you.
		100 Wilshire Boulevard Suite 2075 Santa Monica, Ca. 90401 Telephone: 310.393.9802 Facsimile: 310.393.5071 k.lane@adoptionattorneys.org

					The Law Offices of Karen R. Lane Specializing in: Independent Adoptions; Agency Adoptions; Interstate Adoptions; Adult Adoptions; Step-Parent Adoptions; Guardianships; Mediation
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